"I wrote this record while thirty thousand feet in the air. Stewardess compliment me and my nappy hair”
One of the lines I love from Kendrick Lamar's “Hol’ up”. As for me though, I wrote this on 4 am in the morning, in the bed, while trying to get some sleep for almost 2 hours now. While it fully knows that I have to work tomorrow morning, it seems my brain thought that sleep is really overrated. So this is one of those sleepless night I had in 2017.
So why I decided to write, you ask? Rather than try to sleep?
Aside from the deep slumber I had yesterday, combined it with another anxiety attack and culminated by another epiphany, I just decided to write this while I can, while I'm willing to do it, just like Kendrick wrote that song while he's flying in the air.
Let me try to write this with a new style, in a chronological order of what happened that night.
00.00 - 02.00
Way to cool!
Stumbled upon a new series "hip-hop evolution". I learned a lot about hip-hop history, from Kool Herc's party with a killer set list to Grandmaster Flash pioneering the sound of hip-hop, from sugar hill gang that made hip-hop mainstream and Run-DMC taking it back to the streets, and it was after I heard a quote "you have a voice, use it." I started thinking Hip-hop is a revolution that encompass art and culture, it is a consciousness. Then I look at the time, oh shit it's 2 am.
02.00 - 04.00
This is what it feels like
Going to bed, lamps off, eyes closed, trying to get some sleep but I can’t. Slowly but sure, the thoughts keep coming in like a flash flood, there's some frustration, anxiety, worry, and even a mixture of excitement. I just couldn't get my brain to rest. The funny thing about our brain is they have to be in a certain relaxing state for us to experience sleeping as we know it. Something something alpha wave and theta wave, you can read about those here
. Yet somehow, that state of mind keeps eluding me. I’ve tried some sort of breathing meditation, but my brain just not interested in relaxing, it just want to party, hard and loud.
04.00 - sleep
A magnificent thing this one
Sometimes I can gather and organize my thought better in writing rather than talking to people. Especially at times like this, when the sky is pitch black, there’s no sound to distract you, and the only thing that conscious in this bedroom is your own mind, which for the past two hours, if people can hear it, will report a noise complaint to the police. But then, as I opened the notes app on my phone, sunk in my own thoughts, trying to negotiate my brain to kick it down a little, then pour it into a writing, it really worked. I started feeling drowsy, the party's over, and the eyes heavy. But then, on those border of consciousness and sub-consciousness, I kind of feel like having an intimate moment with my brain. Then I slept like a baby.
Wait, so if I slept, how did I finish this thing?
That brings us to the morning after, and the epiphany:
So here's a food for thought to chew on for you. If you ever had so much thought on your mind and felt really bothered with it, don't let it kept there and just only to come back haunting you later. Also don't try to run away from that. Do something about it. For me, writing things down helps a lot. You can always try. Maybe you can write lyrics like Kendrick, or you could write a business plan about your idea for the next big thing after Facebook, then there's also writing a bucket list of things to you want to do later, or even you can write a message to someone you love, your homework, your thesis, your to-do list, write, write, write.
It is the whole ordeal of taking some pieces from your abstract thought and turning into something concrete that makes this process really satisfying. Even if the end result is far from perfect, you just created something new, something that people can see, discuss, or something that you can learn from later on.
You just moved from zero to one.
After all, it made me write this thing. Probably it doesn't mean much to anyone and maybe it's quite over the top to call it an epiphany, but hey, at least it got 700ish words blog post published on this site.