If there is a difference on how I converse with people and how I write, it's all about the structure.
The Structure: Rigid vs Free-flow
Me when I write
In writing, I try to get my point across through a series of logical narrative. An introduction, followed by the thing I thought which became the main topic, then as much as possible I finished it with an optimistic yet thought provoking conclusion.
Every time I talk..
In conversation, I'm basically more feeling-driven when speaking my thoughts. Yeah maybe sometimes I also tend to read the situation first before voicing something, but most of the time, I can talk pretty much what was on my mind at that moment, unfiltered. I also don't have any problem arguing or disagreeing with people when it comes to my own values and principles.
'The Misunderstood One'
Maybe this is why most of the time I feel severely misunderstood when I disagree with someone because the right words won't come out from my mouth.
How could you think that of me?
It can be pretty frustrating when you know the convo will quickly go to "No, that's not what I meant". But it's just a little too late, because people sometimes don't have time and patience for a second judgement. First impression matters. A cruel reminder that the norm in the society is not entirely fair.
But what about second impression? And the third? And the next one after that? Doesn't it matter at all?
The Value of a Conversation: Transcending the Barrier
This is where the value of a conversation comes in. That I learned over time was an important factor in self-development and personal growth.
Given my trait of conversing driven by feeling and intuition, there would be plenty of miscommunications happened when I talk with people. At first, I don't give a flying fuck whether they understand me or not, as long as I feel I'm in the right. But after several tantrums thrown later, I began to think maybe there's something wrong with how I communicate with people.
Based on that awareness, I tried to change the way I approach a conversation by doing the simplest thing ever: Listening. The road to empathy always start with listening. Because when you listen to people, consciously or not you are proactively trying to make sense of what they mean when they say those things. Then, you will try to put yourselves in their shoes, so you can see what they saw, hear what they heard, and more importantly, think what they thought.
But if you’re only listening, you’re still going nowhere. Stuck in a barrier that you create to defend yourself against the whole world. To transcend that barrier is to converse with others after you listen to them.
When you’re listening and conversing with many people, you’ll gain a ton of perspectives on human life that is unique to every single one of them. You understand the world and reality, for the better, and realize that you’re not alone in this world, that basically we are all just a part of something bigger, try to make sense of this life we’ve been given that sometimes we took it for granted. You make friends, lovers, brothers, sisters, families, by conversing to one another. It is the most wholesome human experience that I’ve felt to date. After all, human are a social being.
This could be you!
In the end, I still face ‘the misunderstood one’ moments from time to time, because of those natural behavior of mine. That’s why I converse through another medium. My writings, after all, is an attempt to be understood by all of you who read until this part.
And to you who did that, I thank you for the bottom of my heart. Bear with me for a little while, because I ain’t planning to stop, haha.
Have a nice day,